The fear of saying something stupid

by Blair Warren

“What if I say something stupid?”

This is what a friend recently asked me as he prepared for an important business meeting.

Why ask me?

Does he think I never say stupid things?  Or, is he amazed I somehow survive all the stupid things I do say?

Either way, I’ll take it as a compliment.

So, what if he says something stupid?

What then?

I told him not to worry about it, as I was sure he’d do just fine. 

Of course, in retrospect, that was a stupid thing to say.

Why?  Two reasons.

First, it did nothing to ease his fear.  Though it made me feel better for “helping” out, it sure didn’t help him any.

And second, I could have said something much more powerful.  Something like this…

Are you kidding me?  Of course you’re going to say something stupid.  Maybe not during this meeting, but sometime soon.  Count on it. 

Why? 

Because that’s what human beings do: they say stupid things sometimes.

One reason is that we often don’t know exactly what we think until we try to express ourselves.  And unfortunately, we often discover our thoughts aren’t as brilliant in public as they are in our heads.

But that’s one of the quirks of being human: we need to express ourselves not only to communicate our thoughts, but also to discover them.  And that means we must be willing to risk saying some stupid things.

An old adage says, “It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I’m sure this is good advice in some situations.  But as a general rule, it’s lethal to one’s chances of succeeding in the world.

Everyone who is anyone has said stupid things from time to time.  Some successful people say stupid things virtually all the time and it doesn’t stop them.

So, to return to your question, what if you say something stupid?

First, you’ll live despite it.  Second, if you pay attention, you’ll be wiser because of it.  And third, you may even come to realize it wasn’t as stupid as you thought.

For example, take the time my wife and I were at a restaurant and I wondered out loud what ever happened to an old girlfriend of mine. 

One, I’m still alive.  Two, I’ll never do that again.  And three, it wasn’t as stupid as I thought at the time; it was worse.

P.S.  Despite my lame advice, my friend did fine at his meeting, which is surprising; I thought he’d screw up for sure. 

Posted on Saturday, November 17, 2007 at 09:57 PM

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