Want to find out what others want? Don’t ask them and they’ll tell you.

by Blair Warren

It’s been said that we can often get what we want by helping other people get what they want.  But how do we find out what other people want?  Ask them?  Of course.  Ask them.  This seems so obvious it’s hardly worth mentioning.  And I wouldn’t mention it except for the fact that it is often DEAD WRONG.

Ask people what they want and they’ll tell you what they think they’re supposed to want.  They’ll tell you what they believe you want them to want.  In fact, people will tell you almost anything but what they really want. 

Why? 

Many reasons.  Perhaps they truly don’t KNOW what they want.  Maybe they just can’t articulate it.  Or maybe they just want approval and can’t openly admit it so they offer up more noble sounding desires. 

Regardless, in many, many cases, people just can’t, or won’t, tell you their true desires.  Again, not always, but certaily more often than any of us care to admit.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t inquire about the wishes of others.  I am saying we should always consider that there may be more to their desires than they’re willing to admit.  As persuaders we would do well to remember that…

People will tell you exactly want they want as long as you don’t ask them.  Instead, engage them and observe them.  Do this and their behavior will eventually reveal what their language so often conceals.

Posted on Wednesday, November 17, 2004 at 08:41 PM

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