The Stranger in the Corner

A priest was arrested for allegedly exposing himself to an undercover police officer. That’s what this morning’s local newscast reported. After watching this my 11-year-old son, Zac, turned to me and asked, “How could he do something like that if he’s a priest?”

Just the other day a friend was complaining that his father showed little interest in his life. My friend got more compliments and interest in his work from total strangers than he did from his own father. He wondered, “How could he be so disinterested in me? Afterall, he’s my father.”

This same basic question shows up everywhere. How could a mother kill her own kids? How could a husband murder his own wife? How could my own child have stolen from me? How could my own (fill in the blank with your favorite label) do this to me?

Why are we so often shocked by these types of situations? How can we explain this?
Here’s what I told my son.

“Imagine there’s a total stranger standing over there in the corner,” I said. “He’s a totally normal looking guy but a complete stranger. We know absolutely nothing about him. Can you imagine that?” I asked.

My son nodded.

“Okay, do you think that man is capable of doing good things in his life?”

“Sure,” my son responded.

“Me, too. Now, do you think he is also capable of doing bad things in his life?”

“Of course.”

“I agree,” I said. “But let’s change things a bit. What if we called this guy ‘Fred’ - do you think he’s still capable of doing both good and bad things?”

Zac nodded again.

“How about if we called him ‘Barney’?”

He nodded again but with a confused look on his face.

“Now, how about if we called him ‘Priest’?

My son smiled. And just like that he understood.

“Don’t ever forget what I just taught you,” I told him. “I don’t care what people are called, whether it’s Fred, Daddy, Priest, President or Doctor, the name does not change the fact that they’re human. They’re capable of many things. Good things, bad things and everything in between.”

This is such an obvious point, isn’t it? We all “know” this, so why even bring it up?
Because while we all “know” it, we too often forget it.

If you don’t believe me, just ask yourself why you were so shocked or angered the last time someone acted against their label. Perhaps your “spouse” ridiculed rather than comforted you. Your “best friend” betrayed your confidence. Or maybe you heard of a teacher, preacher or parent doing something “despicable”. Whatever the situation, chances are a label, and all the expectations we’ve been trained to believe goes with it, blinded us to reality of the human condition.

Whether we call someone Fred, Priest, Mom, Dad, Son, Daughter, or anything else the label doesn’t remove what that person - as a human being - is capable of.

But of course, we already knew this, didn’t we?

I just wonder how long it will be before we forget it and get blindsided - again.

Posted on Wednesday, May 05, 2004 at 10:30 PM

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(5) Reader Comments about The Stranger in the Corner

Shariq says...

Blair..

killer point. so deep. so simple. so over-looked.

You have a special gift of looking at life a different way. I like your ‘view’. And your thoughts.

You just un-locked this question that had stayed in a dark part of my head since childhood.

I feel more at ease now.

Thanks!
n God bless.

Posted on 06/01/2006 at 09:11 PM

Blair Warren says...

Hi Shariq,

Thanks for the comments. I wrote this piece a couple of years back so it’s especially nice to hear it still has some impact.

Blair

Posted on 06/02/2006 at 10:15 AM

margie says...

Blair,
Thank you. Over the weekend, my son’s best friend, a kid I’ve known since he was 3, who we’ve taken into our home countless times, admitted to stealing from us..for revenge.

Hard lessson for my boys, age 9 and 12, to learn so early, that they can’t trust anyone. So sad..but your words are probably ones that they need to hear right now. Me too.
M

Posted on 08/28/2006 at 07:02 AM

Blair Warren says...

Hi M,

Sorry to hear about what happened. Unfortunately, it’s all too common.

When I wrote this article I was told by friends that I was being negative. I replied that I was just being realistic. Your story just further confirms this.

I wish you and your family the best in working through this situation. It sounds like you’re doing one of the best things you can. And that is, learn something positive from it.

All the best,

Blair

Posted on 08/28/2006 at 07:19 AM

Manoj says...

I don’t get this. Fred and Barry are not same as Priest. Priest is someone who is reared in a controlled environment and lives in fear of God. Lets say if a popular guru screws up in one of his seminar People will definitely wonder why, but it may not be the same if some Joe blow screws up

Posted on 10/15/2007 at 01:58 PM