How to size people up *fast*
An important skill to have in human relationships is the ability to size people up fast.
Are they honest? Are they reliable? Are they responsible? Are they go-getters? Etc.
If there was a way to quickly and reliably figure out how other people think, there’s no telling how much time and trouble we could save.
Unfortunately, by definition, patterns of thinking must unfold over time before we can observe them. So it can take months, years, and sometimes decades to truly understand another person.
But there is a shortcut. It isn’t 100% accurate, but it’s close. And best of all, it can work almost instantly.
Rather than try to learn how other people think, pay attention to how they explain.
How do they explain giving you the wrong change at a checkout register? How do they explain being late for your meeting? How do they explain where they are in their life or career?
In short, how do they explain anything? Because odds are, this is how they will explain everything.
If you don’t believe me, try my little trick for a few days.
Next time you meet people, pay attention to how they explain things. Big things. Little things. Anything. It doesn’t matter. Their explanations will reveal more than you, or they, might imagine.
But why does this shortcut work so well? Don’t ask me. I can’t explain it.
Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 at 06:04 AM
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(6) Reader Comments about How to size people up *fast*
Paul says...
This makes perfect sense, but I am having trouble applying it.
For example -
Lets say an associate is late for a meeting and they explain it by saying my alarm clock was broken or it was difficult getting the kids up and out of the house this morning, or any of the countless legitimate reasons why people can sometimes be late to meetings.
What could you determine by this explanation.
Thanks for the wonderful Blog
-Paul
Posted on 03/10/2006 at 10:13 AM
Blair Warren says...
Hey Paul,
Here’s what I’d take from a situation like this:
If they use “legitimate” excuses like these on little things like showing up on time, odds are they’re going to use them in big situations as well.
When you catch them embezzling from you or stealing client files behind your back, do you think they’ll take responsibility or blame it on someone or something else?
It shouldn’t be difficult to guess correctly as they’ve already revealed their orientation to the world.
Yes, the details of our explanations often change. But the nature of them rarely does.
Posted on 03/10/2006 at 10:28 AM
REX says...
During interviews, Henry Ford used to take potential managers out to lunch. If the person added salt to the food before trying it, Ford would dismiss him automatically. He didn’t want to have managers reaching conclusions before examining all available facts.
Since learning this story I always add salt to my food before as well as after tasting it.
Posted on 03/10/2006 at 03:02 PM
Emily H. says...
A note to Blair Warren:
If you don’t taste your food before salting it, you run the risk that your addition of salt will cause the food to be unbearably salty. Then you will be in the position of having made your bed and being forced to either lie in it, or look like an idiot for having failed to examine the facts before reaching your conclusion. People who add salt to food I prepare without tasting the food first are not invited back to my table. Neither are people who ask for A-1 sauce before tasting their steak. Cheers.Posted on 03/12/2006 at 03:50 PM
Emily H. says...
This one is for “Pat” who says he is not attracted to women wearing a body boasting 200+ pounds: I’m sorry to see that you are so willing to judge a book by its cover. Some of the best books I have ever read have unattractive covers. Some of the warmest and kindest people I have ever met are considered by American society to be “obese” or “overweight”. When I met my own sweet husband, he weighed over 400 pounds and had chronic body odor. If I had discarded him merely because of his outward features, I would have missed the opportunity to help him resolve the medical problems which were causing the obesity and the odor, and he might have died before anyone else was willing to look past his appearance to see how beautiful he was and still is. I loved my husband from the first time I met him, because I could see his gentle, loving soul in his beautiful blue eyes, which were the only part of him that would have been considered attractive at that time, if a person would have only stopped judging his body long enough to look into them. In answer to your next question, I was not myself a baby whale at that time, I weighed 135 pounds and was sporting a 20% body fat. I had my pick of male suitors, all of whom were viewing me, on the basis of my appearance, as a booty call. I chose the man who viewed me as a vibrant and intelligent person.
Posted on 03/12/2006 at 04:00 PM
Madison Meyer says...
it makes perfect sense to me. i have done it on my own for awhile now and i’ve been able size people up or understand how they think by eye contact and the tone of voice. also by the way they choose words too. it takes practice and serious determination to understand and apply but its worth it.
Posted on 07/22/2007 at 07:07 PM
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