Invisible persuasion killers

Persuasion can be a tricky business. No matter what anyone may say, there is an element of chance in all human encounters that can bring the most powerful persuaders to their knees.

Yes, knowledge can help. And of course, experience can help. But when one is unaware, nothing can help.

Here are two quick examples:

A week or so ago I had a talk radio show playing in our office. I wasn’t paying attention to it until I noticed the voices getting louder and louder.

The host and a caller were going at each other and I stopped to listen. (Yes, I admit it. I’m a radio rubber-necker.)

The caller was clearly an intelligent, well-spoken man who made some very good points. However, he made one very big mistake.

At one point he told the host directly - and the listeners indirectly - “You need to look at this from a business perspective.”

I sat straight up in my seat and thought to myself, “Screw you.” Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to pick up on his mistake as the host also cranked it up a notch.

What did this caller do wrong?

He told us that we needed to look at things from a business perspective. He didn’t invite us to do so. He didn’t explain what we’d see if we chose to do so. He just came right out and told us we needed to do so.

Great choice of words - if he was trying to escalate the fight. But if he was sincerely trying to persuade others to his point of view, he couldn’t have chosen a more insulting way to phrase it. But to make matters worse, he apparently never realized the damage his choice of words had caused and as a result, was never able to make an adjustment. When one is unaware, nothing can help.

Second situation…

A client just lost a deal he thought was a no-brainer. From what he’d told me, I agreed. His proposal was a perfect fit for everyone involved. All that stood in the way of a contract was a recommendation from the other company’s ad agency.

Now, if you know anything about ad agencies, that’s somewhat like saying that all that stands in the way of me and winning the lottery are six numbers, but in this case, success seemed certain. Unfortunately, things aren’t always what they seem.

Once the shock of losing the deal wore off, my client discovered why the agency decided not to recommend it. Bottom line: the person evaluating the package misunderstood a major part of the package and as a result, gave it a value far, far below what it would have otherwise received. Of course, no one realized the agency representative was operating under a false assumption until it was too late. When one is unaware, nothing can help.

In the first case, an unintentional and unacknowledged insult was the culprit. In the second, an undetected misunderstanding did the damage.

In retrospect, it’s easy to see what went wrong and what could have been done to change these outcomes, but in the moment of engagement, nothing could be done because nothing had been noticed.

I wish I had a clever trick to offer so we could avoid such mistakes in our own persuasion efforts. But the answer to situations such as these doesn’t lie in action, but in awareness. And unfortunately, there’s only so much of that to go around.

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P.S. I realize there are counless other elements that may have also played a part in these two situations. Those I mentioned are simply the two I noticed, not the only two that mattered. Again, there’s only so much awareness to go around.

Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 at 05:53 AM

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