Excerpts from The Forbidden Keys to Persuasion E-Class

From Lesson 1 on “The Ugly Truths”:

The truth is, everyone is a manipulator. Good people, bad people, young people, old people. None of us can escape this one. If we are going to survive, we are going to manipulate. Of course, no one likes to think of themselves this way. Sure, other people manipulate, but not me. I have good intentions. I would never do such a thing. Now, granted, some people won’t go out and do it intentionally, but don’t be misled. They’ll go out and manipulate just the same. You can count on it. Why? Because manipulation is a part of our very existence. We manipulate the environment, we manipulate people and we manipulate circumstances all in an effort to meet our needs and insure our survival.

Denying this doesn’t make one less of a manipulator. Denying this makes one a less conscious manipulator. And that makes one a less effective manipulator.

Why is it important to admit this? Because the more we try to pretend we aren’t manipulative, the more we tend to lose sight of the true psychological dynamics of our relationships. We begin to relate to one another in a world of make-believe where powerful persuasion can only occur by chance. To reverse this, we must accept that anytime we try to change the thoughts or behavior of another person, we are manipulating them. Persuasion may be the tool we use to manipulate, but we’re attempting to manipulate them nonetheless.

From Lesson 2 on “The Hidden Addictions”:

At any given moment of any given day, regardless of what desires we are consciously working to fulfill, we have needs we rarely, if ever, consider, that when given the opportunity to be met, can rise up and derail us in an instant. All our resolve, all our common sense, and all our morality can vanish in thin air only to be replaced with the behavior of an insatiable addict.

Not everyone can be vulnerable like this, you might say. Yes, everyone. That is, everyone with an ego. Clearly there are differences in degrees of vulnerability as everyone’s sense of self is different, but, just as everyone is susceptible to the laws of gravity, everyone is susceptible to the desires of the ego. Given the right bait and the right opportunity, anyone can fall. Anyone.

The great motivational speaker Zig Ziglar has often pointed out that we can get what we want by helping other people get what they want. This statement is true enough. But exactly what is it that people want? Therein lies the rub.

From Lesson 3 on “Gaslighting”:

We would be wise to remember that there is nothing more demeaning to a person than to be told they shouldn’t feel what they’re feeling, think what they’re thinking, believe what they’re believing, or do what they’re doing. Yet this is exactly the way too many of us attempt to change other people. We make “change” the topic of discussion and proceed to tell them all the reasons they should change. And we’ve already seen how successful this strategy is.

So if persuasion is all about inducing change in others, and yet the very issue of change is one of the most formidable obstacles to change, how do we overcome this dilemma?

It has been said that tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. And while this is an enormous step forward in our interactions with others, we want to do more than simply make a point. We want to induce change. To do that, we must look to something more powerful than tact. We must be able to induce change without appearing to do so. We must be able to correct another person without making them feel wrong. One of the most subtle and powerful, yet least understood, ways of accomplishing this is through a process that has come to be known as gaslighting.

From Lesson 4 on “Psychological Ventriloquism”:

The line between “assumption” and “fact” is hazy at best. And for most of us, as we saw earlier, the line is actually non-existent until an outside force makes us aware of this fact.

Awareness of the potential problem assumptions play in our lives is not enough to counteract their effect. To compensate for this flaw in our nature, we must strive to remain aware of its potential in our lives and discipline ourselves to spot our own assumptions before they become “facts” in our minds. This takes three things - time, self-discipline and awareness. The vast majority of people have none of these.

We are in too much of a hurry to question our own thoughts and so we cannot spare the time. Our lives are in such disarray that self-discipline isn’t possible. And the circumstances in our lives demand too much of our attention for us to be able to maintain an awareness of our own psychological limitations. And as a result, we continue on in our same error prone way and delude ourselves that we are not.

We cannot “reason away” these ideas through study. Nor can we dismiss them as insignificant and expect their impact to go away. We can only understand and appreciate them. But as persuaders, we can do one more thing. We can profit from them.

From Lesson 5 on “Persuasion and the God Complex”:

There is a common belief that to become a master persuader one must hone their speaking skills, polish their appearance, project credibility, master the art of nonverbal communication, and develop dozens of other important personal qualities and abilities. This is not true. While there are many important areas one can work on to improve their persuasion skills, there is only one that is truly essential. And that is a God Complex.

By “god complex”, I do not mean one must become a megalomaniac. Nor, do I mean that it is necessary to develop delusions of grandeur and I am not simply referring to developing an extreme level of confidence. These are simply shadows of the quality I am speaking of. By “god complex” I am referring to something more versatile and more powerful than any of these by themselves.

Forget the megalomania of long-dead dictators and cult leaders. And forget the egocentricity of some of our more notorious politicians. The mindset I am referring to is more than these misconceptions would have us believe. The mindset I am referring to not only reflects the power of force, but the power to yield as well.

From Lesson 6 on “Context and Persuasion”:

About thirty years ago a couple of novelists went around trying to secure publishers for their novels. Though the two novels were very similar, they met with two very different fates. One was accepted by a major publisher and went on to gain national recognition. The other was rejected by numerous publishers, including the one that published the first writer’s novel. What made the difference? Was it subject matter? Style? Length? Nope. It was none of these things.

Remember, these two manuscripts were very similar. In fact, they were so similar that only two words differentiated one from the other. That’s right, only two words. Other than that, the manuscripts were absolutely identical. How could just two words make such a dramatic difference in the fate of these two novels?

The difference was due not to the words themselves, but to the effect these words had on the context of the situation itself. And with this change in context, these “two little words” profoundly changed the perceptions of everyone involved, not to mention the fate of our two novels. Such is the power of context.

Posted on Wednesday, November 10, 2004 at 07:34 AM

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(4) Reader Comments about Excerpts from The Forbidden Keys to Persuasion E-Class

Alan Allard says...

Hello,
Your writing is compelling in terms of content and languaging, and I ended my reading with this question… Why did you not share at leas one, maybe 2-3 examples of your solutions to the problems exposed?

You directed me to the chapter samples provided, telling me that if I liked what I read I would love the book, and I am left without any convincing evidence that your book would provide the means to becoming a more effective, persuasive communicator. So, the samples did not give me any idea of what you offer in terms of going beyond elucidating the problems. I spend considerable sums of money each year on my continued development and am always looking for what will be of value to me.

Regards,
Alan Allard
http://www.geniusdynamics.com

Posted on 10/02/2005 at 02:45 PM

Michele says...

I don’t have $195 for the book. Please share the two word change in Lesson 6 so that one can see a demonstration of “the power of context.”
Thank you.
Warmly,
Michele Buch

Posted on 10/02/2005 at 09:44 PM

Eileen says...

Hello,

The extracts you give make compelling reading and I do know from direct experience that what you are saying is true in relation to assumptions. It can be an earth shattering moment when a long held illusion which has held a particular mind set in place shatters. But a profound opportunity is also being given because the opportunity is now there to break out of the perceptions which have held us in thrall and insidiously made us a prisoner within the confines of its walls.
Although I understand what you are speaking about because I have experienced it this does not create a pull to buy the book. And this is because I cannot find in the extracts provided any idea of a move beyond what you are stating in the extracts.
I am also very concerned because persuasion techniques in the wrong hands can be very dangerous - most people as you state are unconscious manipulators but because the process is not harnessed the power is lessened. I also think that uncovering psychological limitations and using the information recovered to control other peoples minds is a kind of black art - an art which I think will rebound on the person using it.

Regards

Posted on 10/03/2005 at 02:09 AM

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Posted on 10/10/2006 at 05:56 AM