Forbidden Keys to Persuasion Excerpt 1

I’m about to release The Forbidden Keys to Persuasion as an e-book - hopefully within the next 48 hours or so. I’ll post the details here when it’s ready, but for now I figured I’d post an excerpt or two for those who want to learn more.

The first excerpt is below. I’ll post the second later this evening.

From lesson 1 of The Forbidden Keys to Persuasion:

The Achilles Heel of the Human Mind

People have been searching for the keys to the human mind since the beginning of time. And since the birth of psychology many have laid claim to having found them. Abraham Maslow developed one of the best-known theories. Maslow identified five basic needs that drove human behavior. These needs were:

- Physiological needs (food, shelter, etc.)

- Safety/security needs (protection of one’s person, family and possessions, etc.)

- Social needs (love, sex, friendships, etc.)

- Self needs (self-respect, self-confidence, etc.)

- Self-actualizing needs (personal growth, fulfilling of one’s purpose, etc.)

In short, Maslow argued that people’s needs in one category must be met before they can turn their attention to the next. For our purposes, the important thing for us to take away from Maslow’s work is the idea that we are need driven. And while Maslow’s five-category model has its place in the world of psychology, at this point in our study, a simpler model will suffice. A model that has but one need. A need that everyone seems to recognize, but few know how to exploit. The following quote from media mogul Roger Ailes alludes to this need:

“Let’s face it, there are three things that the media are interested in: pictures, mistakes and attacks. It’s my orchestra-pit theory of politics. If you have two guys on a stage and one guy says, “I have a solution to the Middle East problem” and the other guy falls in the orchestra pit, who do you think is going to be on the evening news?”

Now when we consider that the media’s job is to cater to us, that is, to provide us with what most interests us, we can see that this quote is less about “media” than it is about human nature.

Still, we can all laugh at the absurdity in Ailes’ quote. But a good laugh is all most people will get out of it. There is something else hidden behind the humor. Something that when exploited has a power beyond belief. Marshall Applewhite, David Koresh and Jim Jones used it to seize control of their followers and lead them to their deaths. And all around us, political and race-based organizations use it to whip their people into hate-filled frenzies. What these people, and all the master manipulators before them, know, is that people have a desperate need for mental engagement – to have their attention captured, focused and intensified.

While the need for mental engagement doesn’t appear on Maslow’s scale and doesn’t replace those he identified, it can override them. Just as physiological needs take precedence over safety/security needs, the need for mental engagement can override our physiological needs, if only for a while. We can be starving and searching for food when something comes along, distracts us, and before we know it, hours have passed without any sensation of hunger. We can be in severe pain and without our being aware of it, something else comes along and captures our attention and the pain is gone. We’ve all experienced situations like these, yet upon reflection they don’t seem to make any sense. Why would we put off something important like eating or seeking medical attention, for something less important? Because we don’t have any choice. The body may send signals to the brain indicating its needs, but the mind doesn’t have to pay attention to them. What the mind must do though, is pay attention to something. And without proper mental discipline, the mind will focus on the most appealing option before it.

Every moment of every day, we want to be engaged in something. It often doesn’t matter what it is as long as it can gain and maintain our attention. We seek entertainment, conversation, confrontation. We do crossword puzzles, work in the garden, listen to music. We cook, we clean, we rearrange. Even when we’re exhausted and want to relax, we simply engage in something else. We swim, we go to amusement parks and we meditate. All this in an effort to alleviate the one thing few people can endure: boredom.

The need for mental engagement is so fundamental that few give it much thought. But it’s always there, lurking just behind our awareness, looking for something to “lock onto.” This is why many of us are so easily distracted. Unless our current thoughts or activities are sufficiently engaging, the next best thing that comes along will pull us away. And since it’s through engagement that we experience and through experience that we are changed, those who engage us hold the keys to our hearts and minds, and from there, our actions. We do not see these people as manipulators. We see them as saviors.

Now, while it is one thing to accept that we can only act upon those things of which we are aware, it is quite another to admit that we have little control over what those things are. Surely, this has to be an exception rather than the rule. Sorry. No such luck.

As an experiment, the next time you are trying to concentrate on something important and a distraction occurs, don’t pay any attention to it. If you do this honestly you will find that you can’t do it at all. It is impossible. If you are aware that a distraction occurred, it has already captured your attention, against your will, even if only for a moment. Your concentration has been broken. This is the very dilemma that many people seek to remedy through meditation. While with great discipline we can improve our ability to concentrate through meditation, the ability to completely control our thoughts is an impossibility. Put me in front of the world’s greatest guru in the deepest of all meditations, give me a hammer and a clean shot at his toe, and I guarantee you I will get his attention. So much for meditation. Even then, that requires discipline. And if there is one thing most of us lack, it’s discipline. Therefore, when it comes to what we will pay attention to, we hardly have the last word. In fact, most of us are so scattered in our lives that we hardly have any word at all.

The irony is, when it comes to our attention, other people can exercise more control over it than we do. And what’s worse, we often don’t even realize it until it’s too late.

Imagine for a moment that you are in a movie theater waiting for the lights to dim and the show to start. As you wait, you try to relax and get comfortable. You notice the sticky floor beneath your feet. Beside you, your companion’s seat squeaks every time they move. Behind you, a group of teenagers won’t stop talking. And in front of you a very tall man just sat down and, unless you sit just so, is blocking your view. Still, you know that soon the movie will start and all these things will fade from your awareness. But remember, you are attending this movie as an experiment and I have asked you to perform one simple action. I have given you a small hand-held device with a button on it and have asked you to simply press the button the moment the movie captures your attention and you lose all sense of the other things going on around you. After that, you are free to enjoy the film. If the film is one you have really been eager to watch, how long do you think it will be before you press the button?

The answer? You would never press the button. By the very definition of the experiment you couldn’t do it. At least not when I asked you to because if you are still conscious of my request, the movie has yet to fully capture your attention. So you have to wait. But then, when the moment does come and your attention is captured, you are no longer conscious of my request for you to press the button. The experiment would be a failure. But then again, maybe not. While this experiment will never tell us the time it takes for one to have their attention captured, it shows us something infinitely more important.

It shows us that we may never know our attention has been captured until after it is released.

This is why it is so important for us to recognize the value of fully engaging another’s mind. It is also critical to understand the difference between “attention” and “attention capture”.

It is one thing to “pay attention to something”, it is quite another to have our attention “captured” by something. While in both cases, we may or may not voluntarily give our attention to the arresting stimulus, that is where the similarities end. When we “pay attention”, we maintain an awareness of our “selves” and therefore maintain control over the encounter. When our attention is “captured”, we lose all sense of our “selves” as in our movie theater example. “We” literally do not exist at that moment in time. And if we do not exist, we do not have conscious control in that moment of our own mental state.

Of course, this situation is only temporary. At some point, the lights in the theater will go on, our neighbor will step on our toes going to the bathroom, or some errant thought will seize upon us ("Did I lock the door to my house?") and the spell will be broken. But make no mistake about it, the “spell” is real and our lack of conscious control during its existence is real. And more importantly, the consequences can be mind-boggling.