The dark side of creating our own reality
Many in the self-help field tell us that, “We create our own reality.” And, I must confess, I believe it myself - to a degree.
To be more accurate, I believe that we participate in the creation of our own reality. In addition to our contribution, there are countless other contributions as well: other people, nature, circumstance, luck, etc.
Still, regardless of the validity of the idea of “reality creation,” the notion itself can be exhilarating. I know this because when I first “got” this idea, after decades of struggling with personal demons, I felt invincible.
I could decide how things would go for me. I could decide what things meant. I could decide what was important to me.
You get the idea.
So, it’s no wonder that this idea has been taught - and bought - by so many.
But while many extol the merits of this mindset, few discuss its dangers. Yes, dangers. Here are just a few:
First, to believe one is the sole creator of his or her reality is to set oneself up for a giant fall. No manufactured reality stands a chance for long against the reality that is ever-patiently waiting outside our door. Natural disasters, disease, old age, etc.
Second, the plausibility of the idea itself is largely dependent upon your surroundings. That is, it’s easy to believe you create your own reality when you’re in a seminar room surrounded by like-minded people. It’s when you leave the room and re-enter the real world that the idea begins to seem a little less valid.
Now, if the dangers ended here, with the individual only hurting him or herself, that would be one thing. But they don’t. There is at least one other danger that can, and too often does, affect everyone the “reality creator” comes in contact with. And that danger is this…
When one lives by the idea that “we create our own reality,” it becomes very tempting to play fast and loose with what society accepts as the truth.
For example, one might feel entitled to play with generally accepted definitions and understandings to suit one’s own purposes, knowing full well that others will be misled in the process. Then, when others cry foul, the “reality creator” need only dismiss the accusations as others’ points-of-view.
This gives the “reality creator,” in essence, a license to lie without ever feeling any guilt for doing so. After all, if each of us is solely responsible for creating our own reality, then why should the “reality creator” ever feel guilt for something other people feel?
Given this philosophy, they shouldn’t. And apparently they don’t.
In fact, rather than feel guilt, the “reality creator” feels justified in his or her actions and justified in passing judgment upon those who “misunderstood” the situation.
For me, this is the greatest danger of taking the “we create our own reality” philosophy to the extreme.
It is one thing for us to be disappointed occasionally when we’re going after the things we want. But it is quite another to destroy the trust and goodwill of others in the process.
No matter how great the rewards may be, I want no part of that reality.
Posted on Saturday, October 27, 2007 at 07:52 PM
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