The fear of saying something stupid
“What if I say something stupid?”
This is what a friend recently asked me as he prepared for an important business meeting.
Why ask me?
Does he think I never say stupid things? Or, is he amazed I somehow survive all the stupid things I do say?
Either way, I’ll take it as a compliment.
So, what if he says something stupid?
What then?
I told him not to worry about it, as I was sure he’d do just fine.
Of course, in retrospect, that was a stupid thing to say.
Why? Two reasons.
First, it did nothing to ease his fear. Though it made me feel better for “helping” out, it sure didn’t help him any.
And second, I could have said something much more powerful. Something like this…
Are you kidding me? Of course you’re going to say something stupid. Maybe not during this meeting, but sometime soon. Count on it.
Why?
Because that’s what human beings do: they say stupid things sometimes.
One reason is that we often don’t know exactly what we think until we try to express ourselves. And unfortunately, we often discover our thoughts aren’t as brilliant in public as they are in our heads.
But that’s one of the quirks of being human: we need to express ourselves not only to communicate our thoughts, but also to discover them. And that means we must be willing to risk saying some stupid things.
An old adage says, “It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I’m sure this is good advice in some situations. But as a general rule, it’s lethal to one’s chances of succeeding in the world.
Everyone who is anyone has said stupid things from time to time. Some successful people say stupid things virtually all the time and it doesn’t stop them.
So, to return to your question, what if you say something stupid?
First, you’ll live despite it. Second, if you pay attention, you’ll be wiser because of it. And third, you may even come to realize it wasn’t as stupid as you thought.
For example, take the time my wife and I were at a restaurant and I wondered out loud what ever happened to an old girlfriend of mine.
One, I’m still alive. Two, I’ll never do that again. And three, it wasn’t as stupid as I thought at the time; it was worse.
P.S. Despite my lame advice, my friend did fine at his meeting, which is surprising; I thought he’d screw up for sure. 
Posted on Saturday, November 17, 2007 at 10:57 PM
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Penn Jillette on Glenn Beck
I am watching a fascinating interview with Penn Jillette on Glenn Beck‘s TV show as I type this.
It is going to rerun several times tonight on CNN. If you get a chance, watch it. Record it. Study it.
If you miss it, I’m sure it’ll end up on YouTube soon. This is just too good to pass up.
Posted on Friday, November 02, 2007 at 06:35 PM
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Welcome to my Nightmare (on Grayson)
I’m a kid at heart - especially when it comes to Halloween.
I love everything about it: scary stories, horror movies, masks, costumes, candy, smoke, strobe lights, and most of all, haunted houses.
So it should come as no surprise that one of my favorite places in the world is a haunted house right here in San Antonio. It’s called Nightmare on Grayson.
I’ve been hanging around the place for so many years that the people there are almost like family. And my son has practically grown up there.
Well, I was recently going thru some old videos and stumbled upon a TV commercial I produced for them about 7 or 8 years ago.
Watching it brought back some great memories. Though we had practically no money to produce the spot, it was one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had.
I must have spent 2 or 3 days working on the soundtrack alone. (If you listen carefully, in the background you can hear a baby crying, a swarm of angry bees, and some audio I recorded in an actual slaughterhouse.)
We tried to tell a complete story - and squeeze in the sponsor tags - in just 30 seconds. To do it, we picked a simple theme:
A young couple visits Nightmare on Grayson and things go terribly wrong.
Of course, this is an exaggeration; as they tell you when you enter the haunted house, “Don’t worry. Almost everyone makes it out alive.” 
Anyway, since it’s Halloween, I thought I’d celebrate a little bit by posting the commercial here. I hope you like it.
Happy Halloween everyone!
P.S. If I could figure out how to make a living producing things like this, I’d do it in an instant.
Posted on Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 12:00 AM
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The dark side of creating our own reality
Many in the self-help field tell us that, “We create our own reality.” And, I must confess, I believe it myself - to a degree.
To be more accurate, I believe that we participate in the creation of our own reality. In addition to our contribution, there are countless other contributions as well: other people, nature, circumstance, luck, etc.
Still, regardless of the validity of the idea of “reality creation,” the notion itself can be exhilarating. I know this because when I first “got” this idea, after decades of struggling with personal demons, I felt invincible.
I could decide how things would go for me. I could decide what things meant. I could decide what was important to me.
You get the idea.
So, it’s no wonder that this idea has been taught - and bought - by so many.
But while many extol the merits of this mindset, few discuss its dangers. Yes, dangers. Here are just a few:
First, to believe one is the sole creator of his or her reality is to set oneself up for a giant fall. No manufactured reality stands a chance for long against the reality that is ever-patiently waiting outside our door. Natural disasters, disease, old age, etc.
Second, the plausibility of the idea itself is largely dependent upon your surroundings. That is, it’s easy to believe you create your own reality when you’re in a seminar room surrounded by like-minded people. It’s when you leave the room and re-enter the real world that the idea begins to seem a little less valid.
Now, if the dangers ended here, with the individual only hurting him or herself, that would be one thing. But they don’t. There is at least one other danger that can, and too often does, affect everyone the “reality creator” comes in contact with. And that danger is this…
When one lives by the idea that “we create our own reality,” it becomes very tempting to play fast and loose with what society accepts as the truth.
For example, one might feel entitled to play with generally accepted definitions and understandings to suit one’s own purposes, knowing full well that others will be misled in the process. Then, when others cry foul, the “reality creator” need only dismiss the accusations as others’ points-of-view.
This gives the “reality creator,” in essence, a license to lie without ever feeling any guilt for doing so. After all, if each of us is solely responsible for creating our own reality, then why should the “reality creator” ever feel guilt for something other people feel?
Given this philosophy, they shouldn’t. And apparently they don’t.
In fact, rather than feel guilt, the “reality creator” feels justified in his or her actions and justified in passing judgment upon those who “misunderstood” the situation.
For me, this is the greatest danger of taking the “we create our own reality” philosophy to the extreme.
It is one thing for us to be disappointed occasionally when we’re going after the things we want. But it is quite another to destroy the trust and goodwill of others in the process.
No matter how great the rewards may be, I want no part of that reality.
Posted on Saturday, October 27, 2007 at 08:52 PM
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Don’t worry. Sell happy.
Many are struggling to make sense of the fires currently burning in California. How could this happen? Why were some homes destroyed and others left untouched? How can future fires be prevented?
One man may have the answers:
Joe Vitale on the San Diego Fires
While it may be too late for those already affected, maybe we can prevent future fires.
We just need to start “working, making a difference, writing, speaking, and changing lives” like the teachers in The Secret are doing.
That’s right. The answer is simple: Don’t worry. Sell happy.
It seems obvious once it’s pointed out, doesn’t it?
Alternatively, we can actually do something constructive like help out the victims of this tragedy. You can learn how by clicking here. (Thanks to Cosmic Connie for providing this link in her latest post.)
Posted on Friday, October 26, 2007 at 06:39 PM
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