“How to” versus “How did”
In response to my free report “The 10 Greatest Self Help Classics You’ve Never Heard Of,” one person complained that self-help books “don’t work.” He says he’s read over a hundred of them and the ideas haven’t changed his life a bit. The funny thing is, he keeps reading them!
Actually, this isn’t funny. It’s smart. It’s smart because he’s this close to discovering what’s missing in the mix.
The fact is, the ideas in self-help books DO work - if one actually DOES something with them AND has enough belief in them. Assuming he’s actually trying to apply the principles, his trouble appears to be one of belief. And I doubt the next 100 self-help books are going to do anything to change that. But I know something that might.
He needs to read fewer “how to” books and more “how did” books.
He needs to read biographies, autobiographies and other nonfiction accounts of average people who have achieved extraordinary success. He shouldn’t read these books to uncover “how” these people succeeded but to truly understand THAT these people succeeded, often despite circumstances much worse than his own. This is the key. The missing ingredient.
When we immerse ourselves in stories such as these our beliefs about what is possible begin to change. And until they do, all the self-help books in the world can’t help us. But when we combine deep belief with solid technique, nothing can stop us.
No, don’t give up on “how to” books. Just add some “how did” books to your reading list and watch what happens.
Posted on Saturday, June 25, 2005 at 08:30 AM
(1) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
Old wine, new bottles, no duh!
I saw it again today – an Amazon.com reviewer complaining that a new book held no new ideas. He then trashed the author and the book for a lack of originality. This is a common complaint and a common response. It is also a naïve one. Here’s why…
The search for new ideas is based on the assumption that, if we aren’t satisfied in our lives, our old ideas must not be enough. We must find new ones to give us the advantage we seek. Makes sense, right? Absolutely. But that doesn’t make it true.
Take a moment and think of some of the most profound lessons you’ve ever learned. Really, take a minute and do this. If you’re like most people, you’ll discover that they’re centered around concepts such as honesty, responsibility, hard work, faith, and so on. Right? Right.
Now, ask yourself, when these ideas really “sunk in” for you, were they new? Hardly. These were ideas our parents tried to teach us at home and our instructors tried to teach us in school, not once, but over and over again. But did we listen? Maybe, maybe not. But the more important question is, did we learn? No. That’s why the lessons seem so profound now; they have finally sunk in and have become our own. Only then do ideas become profound.
This is what so many of us are missing. As long as we look for the “new” at the expense of the “old”, we’re in for a bumpy ride. And worse, we’re going to blame it on those who justly peddle the tried and true. This is what leads so many writers and teachers to “dress up” old ideas – it’s not because they’re too lazy to discover new ideas; it’s because they’re too smart to give up on the old ones.
Posted on Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 07:55 AM
(0) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
Powerful persuasion tip (for those who can see it)
In The Forbidden Keys to Persuasion I teach the concept of Hidden Addictions. These are unconscious needs we have that, when fulfilled, create a strong sense of reciprocity between people.
Hidden addictions are extremely powerful, yet underappreciated, or worse, totally ignored, by almost every would-be persuader. Instead, people look for holy grail “high tech” persuasion solutions when the real keys are often simple and staring them right in the face. Here’s a case in point.
According to Lord Chesterfield, “Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.” Profound stuff. But more importantly, powerful persuasion stuff. In case you missed it, here’s why…
Being heard is a hidden addiction. That is, it is something we virtually must have - not something we would prefer, but something we crave. And when the opportunity to have this craving fulfilled presents itself, we will gladly trade the fulfillment of our other desires for this one. Or as Lord Chesterfield said, ”many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.” And when you give a man something he really prefers, you have created a context of reciprocity and he is now in your debt.
I realize this sounds too simple. That’s because it is. But it is still an extremely powerful idea and just one example of our Hidden Addictions in action.
Don’t believe me? That’s okay. You keep searching for your “magic beans” of persuasion and I’ll just try giving people what they need. Care to guess who’ll make more points?
Note: Reciprocity, in case you weren’t aware, is one of Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence. If you’re not familiar with the concept or his work, drop everything and go buy his book Influence. It’ll cost you less than $20 and is worth many, many times that.
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 at 06:43 AM
(0) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
Films for students of human nature
Went to see the movie Crash the other day and was stunned. While I found much of the dialogue heavy-handed and distracting, I loved the director’s willingness to explore the positive and negative aspects of each character. If you love films that delve deeply into human nature, this is a good one.
A few others that come to mind are The Big Kahuna, Thirteen Conversations About One Thing and The Gin Game (with Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy). All three will leave you with a deeper appreciation of just how volatile human beings - all human beings - really are.
Know of others films along these lines? Please let me know as I can’t get enough of them.
Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 12:57 PM
(2) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
Rushkoff to the Rescue
One of the reasons I’ve been taking a break from this site is that I’ve been feeling a tremendous sense of information overload lately. Well, during this break I’ve taken more time to spend with the people, places and things in my life as opposed to the fantasy worlds of television and the web. It’s difficult to express what a difference this has made on my outlook.
Anyway, I was beginning to wonder if I was alone in this mindset until I stumbled across Douglass Rushkoff’s lastest post to his blog. Check it out. As far as I’m concerned, he is dead on with this one. Here’s the link:
http://www.rushkoff.com/2005/04/reality-as-subversion.php
P.S. In case you’re wondering, this doesn’t mean I’m going to stay in a hole forever. In fact, look for me to start posting regularly again very, very soon. Honest.
Posted on Wednesday, April 20, 2005 at 09:37 PM
(0) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
