Dangerous Reading
In response to “The 10 Greatest Self-Help Classics You’ve Never Heard Of” a number of people have asked for more book recommendations. While I’m sure I’ll offer more in the future, for now I thought I’d offer a suggestion that can dramatically change your life. And no, I am not kidding. If you have the guts to actually do this, there is no telling what kind of an impact it may have on your life. Here it is:
Read dangerous books. Not books that are about danger or books that others have deemed suspect. I’m talking about books that are dangerous to your current belief system.
Most people tend to only read books that “interest” them, that might “teach them something useful” or that compliment their current belief systems. The spiritual person reads spiritual books. The technical person reads technical books. The skeptical person reads skeptical books and on down the line.
There is nothing surprising about this until you consider that many of these people eventually reach a point of boredom. Life ceases to be exciting and becomes stale. And then they wonder why! The reason this happens rarely has anything to do with life; it has to do with the fact they’ve spent years nurturing and solidifying the same old thoughts they’ve always had. Yes, it is comforting to read books that confirm our current beliefs. But it is also a sure-fire way to shut down our minds and cut ourselves off from a larger sense of reality.
The answer is to throw an occasional wrench into our reading regimen by reading books that present opposing points of view, ideas we aren’t currently interested in or that may not sit well with our friends and family. These are often the books that will change our lives. Not the books that are “right up our alleys” but books that beckon us to go down darkened alleys.
In case you’re not buying this, consider the thrill we feel when we discover a talent or ability we didn’t know we had. We open our mouth one day and discover we can sing. We take an art class and discover we can paint. We face a crisis and discover we have strengths we never knew we had. The thrill of looking back and saying to ourselves, “I didn’t know I could do that” is tough to beat. But it’s nothing compared to encountering a strange new idea and saying to yourself, “I didn’t know I could believe that.”
While discovering a new ability can give us great joy in life, discovering a new belief can transform our life. And we aren’t likely to develop these new beliefs by rummaging through the same old ideas we’ve always had. We develop them by having the courage – and it does take courage – to reach beyond that which is comfortable and safe. We must reach out and entertain that which is dangerous.
Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 at 09:14 AM
(2) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
Why the “dark” stuff?
I was just asked why I focus on the “dark” side of life. Do I really think the world is “defective”? Do I think life is just a big cesspool of lying and deceit?
This is a great question and is one I’ve often struggled with myself. Maybe I should just focus more on the positive and leave the negative stuff alone. Maybe I should, but I can’t. It’s just not me. And while I could literally write 10,000 words trying to address this person’s question, for now, let me just offer this:
I do not “focus” on the dark side of life. I simply incorporate it - along with the “good stuff” - into my work. It is often said that you should only focus on the positive and ignore the negative and that’s great advice. But for some people, myself included, it is only part of the equation. No matter how positive my thoughts, the dark stuff of life always finds a way of creeping up on me and demanding that I address it.
How about you?
What do you do when people lie to you? When they betray your trust? When they let you down?
Do you pretend it never happened? Do you let it destroy your faith in others? Do you let it drag you down to their level?
These are important questions because these things will happen - even to good people. Maybe even, especially to good people. The only question is, how will we deal with them when they do.
So yes, I am convinced that honest, trustworthy people can succeed in today’s world but not without encountering their share of dishonest, untrustworthy people. The real trick isn’t to pretend these people don’t exist; the trick is to acknowledge their existence and deal with them in such a way that we don’t become like them. And it is a trick that has no final answer and requires us to look in places most people would rather not go.
Posted on Thursday, July 07, 2005 at 09:53 AM
(4) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
A glimpse into my personal philosophy
A few months back I began writing my own personal “life philosophy” - a collection of the most powerful lessons I’ve ever learned. I review, revise and hone these insights virtually every night and doing so has made a tremendous difference in my life. Since many of these insights are very personal, I have no plans to share them as a whole with anyone except those closest to me. However, there are some I’d like to pass along. I’ll post others here and there in the future, but for now, here’s what I think is the most important one of them all:
Our knee-jerk interpretations of the world are rarely accurate, never complete and yet appear to be both. To make matters worse, we have been conditioned to view these interpretations as products of our “true” selves as they arise without effort and in predictable patterns. They are spontaneous and understandable and thus, “feel” natural. Because we so readily identify ourselves with them, this mish-mash of impulsive, erratic thoughts literally runs – and often destroys – our lives.
It is imperative to understand that these interpretations are not “us” – they are reflex. “We” are the observers of these thoughts. The moment we understand this, they no longer bind us. We are then free to choose other ways of viewing the world. Even if these ways do not occur to us naturally, we can arrive at them if we only stop and think.
These alternative ways of viewing the world are not make-believe. In fact, they are more valid than our automatic perspectives because they are born of reason, not reflex. The ability to choose and live from a different perspective is what separates us from the lower animals. To not acknowledge and develop this ability is to be a lower animal.
Posted on Thursday, July 07, 2005 at 08:37 AM
(0) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
Sincerity Sucks
“Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than the most talented hypocrite.” - Charles Haddon Spurgeon, 19th Century Baptist Preacher
“Faithfulness and sincerity are the highest things.” - Confucius
“There is no greater delight than to be conscious of sincerity on self-examination.” - Mencius
When it comes to getting things done in life, a pattern of behavior beats a claim of sincerity every time.
There is little doubt that sincerity is one of the most prized qualities one can possess. We esteem those who are sincere and ridicule those who aren’t. We demand it of those we deal with and believe ourselves to possess it at all times. Yes, sincerity is held in high regard.
But something very terrible has happened to the idea of sincerity. It has become worse than meaningless. It has become poisonous. And to make matters worse, few recognize this fact. How do I know this? Here’s how:
About a year ago I became very frustrated after being let down by a number of “sincere people” on a couple of very important projects. Now, given that these people let me down, what makes me say they were “sincere”? They TOLD me so. They “assured” me I could count on them to come through and then when they didn’t, they “assured” me they were sincerely sorry and wouldn’t do it again. Of course, they did do it again. And yes, they were sorry for that, too.
Now I’m as willing to forgive and forget as the next guy, but these people are forgetting something very important and that is this:
When it comes to getting things done in life, a pattern of behavior beats a claim of sincerity every time.
Is this obvious? Not at all. At least not to the vast majority of people. How can I make such a blanket statement? Well, in the wake of the “let downs” I just described, I sat down and wrote the following:
To gain the favor of others, be sincere when making commitments to them. To retain the favor of others, be more sincere when you apologize for breaking these commitments. I cannot overstate the importance of sincerity.
I don’t care how much you claim to be sincere; if you repeatedly fail to follow through, you’re not.
Now, in case you missed it, this advice is sarcastic. I only point this out because almost no one who reads it recognizes the sarcasm! In fact, a lot of people who’ve read it said that it was “valuable advice” for dealing with other people. “Of course, sincerity is important,” they would say. “Maybe even the most important thing of all.”
Well, these people are wrong. Dead wrong. And what makes the problem even worse is they don’t know it. This is what makes those who falsely profess sincerity so dangerous – they actually believe their own lies!
I submit that all the promises of “sincerity” in the world mean nothing without the follow through to back them up. In other words, I don’t care how much you claim to be sincere; if you repeatedly fail to follow through, you’re not.
Now, while this is easy to see when it is written on paper, it is horribly difficult to recognize in real life. And what’s worse is, those who recognize it are quickly dubbed insensitive for doing so.
I know this because when I confronted those I mentioned earlier about their lack of follow through and refused to accept their “sincere” apologies, I was labeled an ass. Of course, they weren’t asses for failing to live up to their commitments, only I was one for failing to accept their “sincere” apologies.
I have news for them. If they think I was an ass then, they’re really going to think I’m one now. Why? Because here’s another piece of news for them:
Their claims of sincerity are counterfeit. They are worthless. And not recognizing this fact is one of the biggest differences between them and those who actually get things done in life. In other words, failing to discriminate between “claiming sincerity” and “demonstrating sincerity” is one of the primary causes of frustration and failure in our lives.
Again, few understand this because few have ever stopped long enough to consider it. With just a little reflection, the truth become clear; sincerity, as it is understood today, means nothing. Literally.
Sincerity is nothing but a label we put on past experiences to describe people who actually did what they said they’d do.
When you repeatedly fail to live up to your commitments, being “more sincere” when you apologize for your failures MEANS NOTHING!
Failing to live up to your commitments and then expecting “sincere apologies” to make up for it doesn’t make you sincere; it makes you UNTRUSTWORTHY.
Sincerity has become a plague. A silent killer of relationships and productivity. When someone says they’re sincere you’re supposed to let go and stop pressing. When they fail to perform, what are we supposed to do? That’s right, accept their “sincere” apology and forgive and forget. Nonsense.
Here’s a better alternative.
Realize that claims of sincerity are worthless. Realize that we can never know if another person is sincere. Never. We can only know if another person was sincere. Likewise, we can never know if we are sincere. Never. We can only know if we were sincere.
In other words, in the present moment sincerity means nothing. One’s actions are all that matters. Sincerity is nothing but a label we put on past experiences to describe people who actually did what they said they’d do.
Does this sound harsh? Perhaps. Is it true? Absolutely. If sincerity is to ever mean anything at all, it must be something we demonstrate rather than proclaim.
So why do we still hold sincerity up to such esteem? Because it serves as a “short-term fix” in our daily lives. As long as we accept each other’s empty claims of sincerity, our relationships will be “happy” and “harmonious” – in the short run. Ultimately, they will be unproductive and eventually destroyed because if we can’t count on each other, our chances of success, and maybe even survival, are nil. So which do you prefer?
Regardless of your choice, never kid yourself - sincerity is meaningless. Actually, it is worse than meaningless. It sucks. And I mean that. Sincerely.
Posted on Thursday, June 30, 2005 at 10:35 AM
(10) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Tags: human nature, rantShare Blair:
Gurus good or gurus bad?
Here’s another article by Douglas Rushkoff that I really liked:
His blog is one of my favorites. His book Coercion is an excellent read as well.
Posted on Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 05:02 PM
(0) Comments • Permalink • Printer friendly
Share Blair:
